Words from the Heart: How to Write a Meaningful Eulogy

A good eulogy is short, specific and spoken in your own voice. Aim for about five to ten minutes — roughly 700 to 1,200 words — and check the time you have with the funeral director or officiant. Open with a line that brings the person to life, give a brief outline of their life, tell two or three stories that show who they were, and close with what they leave behind and a farewell.

Who gives the eulogy?

Anyone who knew the person well: a relative, close friend or colleague. Several people can share it, each taking one part of the person's life. If no one feels able to speak, a celebrant or officiant can deliver a tribute written with the family.

How long should a eulogy be?

The UK's National Association of Funeral Directors suggests about five to ten minutes, or 700 to 1,200 words. If several people are speaking, keep each part shorter. Spoken at a calm pace, 1,000 words takes about seven to eight minutes.

A simple eulogy structure

1. Opening (30–60 seconds): who you are, and one vivid line about the person.
2. A short life outline: where they grew up, family, work — only what the stories need.
3. Two or three stories that show their character: one that makes people smile, one that shows what they cared about, one that shows how they treated others.
4. What they leave behind: values, lessons, the people they shaped.
5. Farewell: a direct goodbye, a favorite saying, or a few lines of a reading.

How to gather material

• Ask family and friends for one story each — a phone call or a group message works.
• Ask: What made them laugh? What did they care about? What did they teach you? What would they say if they were here?
• Look through photos, letters and messages for details: a phrase they always used, a ritual, a recipe.
• Write freely first, then cut. Specific details ("she kept a jar of butterscotch on her desk for every student") say more than general praise ("she was kind").

What to avoid

• Long lists of dates and achievements — the obituary covers those.
• Inside jokes most of the room will not understand.
• Unresolved family conflicts or anything that could embarrass the family.
• Clichés. Honest and kind beats polished.

Delivering the eulogy

• Print it in large, double-spaced type, and mark where to pause.
• Read it aloud several times, and time it.
• Speak more slowly than feels natural, and look up now and then.
• Keep water nearby.
• Give a copy to a trusted person — or the officiant — who can finish reading it if you cannot continue. It is completely normal to pause or cry.

Eulogy or obituary?

An obituary is a written notice — the facts of a life plus service details — published in a newspaper or online. A eulogy is a spoken tribute at the service. They can share stories, but the eulogy should sound like you talking. Our free Obituary Writer drafts the obituary from a few questions, which can also give you a starting outline for the eulogy.

Planning the rest of the service? See personalized funeral services and funeral etiquette, or ask the AI Planning Assistant.

Sources

• National Association of Funeral Directors (UK): How to Write a Eulogy